I don't normally curse online. My mom reads my tweets and my blog, so I'm really sorry about this mom, but you might want to skip this entry, because I'm going to have at it in this blog with a bunch of curses and I'm not going to apologize about it. Besides, you already know all this stuff anyhow.
Fuck you, 2010. Fuck you big time. I thought I was learning from my mistakes, but I continuously surprise myself by fucking up again and again. This year will forever be known as the year of the worst relationship of my life. I hope it will always hold that distinction and that I can only have more positive experiences from here on out. I have beaten myself up about this relationship enough and now I'm just looking forward to a future filled with better choices.
What was so awful about it? No, he didn't beat me physically. He wasn't a drunk or a drug addict. He wasn't all that emotionally abusive, and he didn't have a horrible temper. But he had no morals, was a generally overall bad person, and wasn't worthy of my time. If you feel so inclined, go ahead and read the story of his behavior over at vkesaree.blogspot.com.
Why did I give him the majority of this year? I've wondered the same thing and beaten myself up over it at length ever since we finally ended it in August. I'm not desperate, I'm not hideously unattractive or grotesquely malformed. I have all my faculties, I am generally overall pretty pleasant to be around, and I've created a chuckle in people a time or two. So why, when I knew full well what kind of a person he was, did I give him the time of day?
I could sit here and wonder why until I'm blue in the face. But instead of beating myself up about this, I am working to now include in my life only those people who will make it better, not bring me down. There's a lot of introspection going on, and a lot more to come.
Regardless of this slip, I do consider myself a good judge of character. And, since it didn't kill me, it can only help to make me stronger. Now I'm highly choosy and much more wary of new people, which I suppose can be a good thing.
I have to remember...good people are everywhere.
1 comment:
Oh my GOD. What a terrifying story. What a terrifying man. He sounds awful. I'm so sorry, Rachel. You definitely don't deserve that--it's not about any fault within you (it sounds like you recognize that, but I want to reiterate it). He is an utter creep and conartist.
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